Do I have ocd/ depression or is it some for of paranoia?

This is difficult for me to talk about. I am 24 and when I was 18 I started to suffer from panic attacks/depression. At that time there was no apparant cause as I was living a happy life, had great friends/boyfriend, worked & was in college. The doctor told me it was probably a chemical/hormone imbalance – I was put on medication and did receive counselling to control the anxiety – and it completely helped. Within 6 months I was much better. I came off my antidepressant when I was 19 and since being off it (5 years) I have still felt at times I am hormonally/chemically imbalanced.

Now I feel like I am suffering from all sorts of crazy irrational fears or constantly feel like I am about to be punished or something bad is about to happen. Again I have good friends, boyfriend and have a great job so I do not understand how I can be depressed and feeling paranoid/paniced. A lot of people I know do tell me I am eccentric and they think I am good fun to be around but sometimes I can go into really depressive moods – which only my boyfriend knows about. He has told me to see my doctor a few times and I do not want to – as I don’t want my work to find out, or my parents. Last time I was depressed when I was 18 my parents practically shamed me and could not believe I had depression – they actually thought I was putting it on at one point. Therefore I have a high degree of shame when I talk about this.
My paranoia can range from all sorts of things from: believing that people are plotting to hurt me/ people are speaking about me/ I will be sacked from work/ I will be sent to jail because I have looked up porn before (totally normal porn), I will be arrested because I have downloaded music rather than paying for it/ that people want to kill me/mug me/ that I have a serious health condition/ that I am losing control. etc etc.
There are so many irrational beliefs I have that are now turning into phobias. I won’t even go on a night out with my girl friends due to fear that a taxi driver will murder me/take me away. I refuse to walk my dog alone due to feeling that someone is always watching me. I even declared to my boss I looked up the internet/personal emails in work out of fear of being sacked for it – and she just laughed at me and told me to “chill out”.
It is becoming insane and I find myself crying a lot because only my boyfriend knows about my problems. He always helps me and reassures me, but I cannot tell my friends/family as they will just put shame upon me or think I am nuts.
Can anyone relate to this? Please take my problem seriously some of it is really irrational, i know, but for me it is real at times.

Sweetie, you need to go to a doctor again. What you are experiencing is VERY serious and as you have already experienced, you know a doctor and correct medication can control your condition. You have absolutely NOTHING to be ashamed about. Your parents, on the other hand, should be ashamed for making you feel that way. You are not alone, there are many people who have the problems you have and it sounds like you have a good support network – in your boyfriend (sounds wonderful) and you probably have a friend or two who would not feel you are “nuts”. In any event, the only way you will be able to “chill out” is with proper therapy. Do not be ashamed of who you are. You sound like a wonderful person and I have always heard, “If you think you are crazy, you are not”, it’s the ones who think they are sane that are. LOL. Your work does not have to know what doctor you are going to, you are not required to tell them that, merely that you have a doctor’s appointment and if they ask, you can tell them “it’s personal”. Good Luck and God Bless You. I’m not massively religious, but I believe, so I have to tell you that.