What is wrong with me …?
ok, ever since i can remember, i am not a good people person lol. i never really had any friends, and the friends i did have, tended to ignore me. i never really had any strong relationships and i tended to make enemies easily (even though i was a nice person, just i was an easy target) i looked up depression and it seems to be what i am suffering from, but my mom doesnt think that this is the case and i need to turn to Jesus. I have always had Christ in my life, and i pray when i am feeling sad, but i tend to have mood swings very badly. my fiance just witnessed tonite one of my episodes. now, i would NEVER consider suicide, but i do tend to believe that everyone would be better off if i would just die. yes, i know this is not normal thinking for the regular person. I was always made fun of growing up. i was in cheerleading and i didn’t seem to get along with the other cheerleaders so i never made friends with them and they never tried being my friend. in fact, they always blamed me if we didnt win a competition or something. my fiance doesnt seem to understand my past and i can’t explain it.
Yes, i had friends … but i don’t even talk to those people anymore. going to school (for as far back as i can remember) everyone always singled me out and picked on me. is this only me ??? i don’t ask for much, i mean, i know nobody really needs me in their life. i seem to always cause grief and stress even in my family.
im not exactly a black sheep, but everyone does get more attention than i do. example: when i was 19, i asked my grandmother to cosign for a car loan for me … and she refused ! my brother is 2 years older than i am and my grandmother bought his first three cars (after he wrecked the first two). Then when my cousin turned 16, she gave her the money to buy her first car.
I just don’t understand what is wrong with me. can anyone help ???